Max and Me

I just recently finished reading a book about an owner and his dog. You might be familiar with it...Marley and Me. First off I must say that the author and his wife look nothing like Owen Wilson and Jennifer Aniston. Secondly, as I read I was reminded of a relationship I have with someone close to me. You are all probably guessing Blue, my golden retriever, and I would have to say no. Blue is better behaved, although he still does jump up on people. It reminded me of my three year old son, Max. TO A TEE.

Max and Marley - the comparison and then some.

1. Eating food out of the garbage or wherever he can find it.

I just could not figure out why the floor was getting so dirty in the dining room, especially when Cassie started eating finger foods. Reason: our dog was in Canada and we are here in Japan. Then suddenly the food started disappearing from her tray left on the table, remnants in her high chair, and bits on the floor. That's right, instead of requesting a snack, Max went on reconnaisance for any food left laying around. He will eat food left over on the table that I have not had a chance to clear, food on the floor, food from the fridge (I found him knawing on a carrot unpeeled in the playroom one night before dinner.. he doesn't even eat carrots), you name it, he will eat it. Petrified or not.

2. Chewing on things.

OK, so Max does not destroy the items he chews on, but the list is extensive and thank heavens does not include shoes....but does include all outdoor handrails, grocery store checkout ledges, doctors office desks, LEAVES, sticks (not yet this season....), toys, jacket (OK to be fair, he only licks this), shirt sleeve (when under duress), and as of last week he attempted to chew on a member of his preschool class.

3. Not allowing a screen to stop him.

As Max is a biped and has opposable thumbs he does not need to go bursting out the screens...instead he simply opens the door and moves them. Yes, Max is still escaping - but now it's because they are focusing on weather at school and he is eager to do some meterological readings. And like Marley, he doesn't close the door/screen behind himself so we freeze to death until I realize he has left the door open...AGAIN.

4. Big friendly welcomes.

I think Max is really sick of females, as whenever presented with any male...any male at all really (especially child as we don't have a lot of male adults just milling around here), Max makes a beeline for them...(tail wagging) does a number of introductory "hi theres" before he latches himself around their middle and hugs them for all he's worth...let's remember, he doesn't even KNOW most of these people....

5. Destruction

Max has destroyed more toys than I can count...all well loved but just loved too hard. He overvaccummed the vaccuum...he over flung the snake...he just manages to break things. Moment lately, I noticed he had coloured on the wall (hard not to notice when all your walls are white) and I asked him "MAX!!! What is THIS!!" pointing at a red crayoned spot. Max stood back and surveyed his handiwork and pronounced, "I think it's a cloud, Mom."

6. Trying to get into bed

Max is a master bed sneaker, he outsneaks Indy by far. He manages to get into my bed without me knowing it, sometimes right beside me - against me. Often times leaving a smudge of poop...because yes, that's right, he woke up having to use the bathroom and went on his merry way afterwards.

7. No accidents

Potty training Max was comparable to breaking in a stallion. I basically had to strap on the reins and hold on tight. Max wanted to pee in his diaper - and hated the idea of peeing on the floor, but hated the idea of doing what I wanted - peeing in the potty - more, until the first time he peed on the floor. He HATED it. But he still did not want to give in. It was the most painful two weeks of my life. BUT I can count the amount of accidents he has had on my right hand. Now he prefers to strike back by failing to let me know when he has number twoed and runs around pantsless.

No mistaking it. Both Max and Marley are their own kind of creatures.

Mold (or is it mould??)

I had a conversation yesterday with someone that thought the damage of her new bar was a sign that she shouldn't have bought it in the first place. I on the other hand thought it could be a sign that she needed a DIFFERENT bar or simply fight hard to get the bar for a much cheaper price. From the look she gave me I do believe I interpret things a little differently, or that her God is not so much the God I ascribe "meant to be acts".

This leads me to wonder what the spontanieous mold outbreak of mouldy objects in my house could mean. Mouldy paintbrushes at the kids' easel, mouldy (and incredibly smelly) headband in my gymbag, mouldy yoghurt container in the diaper bag...and moudly income tax document that was in the envelope next to the moudly (and leaky) yogurt container. AND mouldy lunchbag that my daughter left on the counter with a leaking container of mandarin orange leftovers....
So I figure this could mean a number of things...

A. I need to clean out my diaper bag vs. writing on my blog
B. My housecleaning skills are falling to an all new low.
C. Japan is a very mouldy place.
D. Life right now is getting a little stinky, smelly, and generally not a lot of fun to be in.

It really could be a metaphor for all the things that I'm struggling with....bills, finding income tax items my husband has tasked me with, running is going okay but such an incredible struggle to fit in and schedule...and change my routine after two months in and loving it and now hating the new schedule...I mean who does their long runs on Tuesday??? (only I, needing child care like a poor South American needs a gold nugget), OBVIOUSLY keeping the kitchen and food items clean (who wants to cook dinner and THEN spend time cleaning the kitchen...especially with a baby hanging off your hip - I am suddenly transported back to the 50s. Bottom line, I am mouldy. I am hardly accomplishing anything and obviously sitting too long in one spot so fungus can get me.

Beating One's Head Against a Brick Wall

When new military families arrive in Japan, we are required to go through an orientation to help us adjust to our new surroundings. We receive diagrams of the train routes, we get detailed step by step instructions on how to use train depots, we get hand outs on how to get to many fun destinations on the train, and we are required to ride the train one whole day of our orientation. How does the Greeson family get around? Car. And we act surprised when it's a challenge.



First off, let me tell you that without the handy directions provided by the Fleet and Family Services out here, we would be driving exactly nowhere. That said, these directions pretty much have you on a precipe - take the step out onto the four hundred year old rope bridge with only these directions as support, or stay home (or take the train....). Let me tell you, these directions are less than one hundred percent precise (make the next right after the KFC; after the fourteenth light turn left; after you count nine tunnels make a u turn and then make your fourth right) and if a business moves, or if the directions make one small mistake (a left for a right for instance), you are in for a seriously long ride.



You might say, "Jenn, why not just buy a map?" After my first finger clenching ride with only crazy directions in hand (and as the daughter of a city planner) that was the first thing I did. I bought maps a plenty. As it turns out, I think Japan is trying to keep it's geography secret in case of a later invasion. We ran into a couple of problems with this method. One, nothing is labelled. That's not true, it is sparsely labelled. One road will be, yet the next 5 major roads are not. You may see the road you might need to travel on, but all the roads TO that one are not labelled. Incredible. And I won't get into the side streets - in Hong Kong they all had English translations but we quickly realized coming home from a bar one night that the English translations did not correspond with their Chinese counterpart so i'm sure if they translated all the Japanese roads it wouldn't necessarily help us English speakers anyway.



I have come to terms with being an everyday car driver here. The everyday shlepping around is definitely doable and the toll roads make travelling locally pretty painless (once you have undergone the first painful voyage to the new location) except on your pocketbook. I think the toll system would really change how Americans drive. It makes you weigh your desire vs. monetary set back. "How badly do I really want to go to New Jack Mall?? Twenty two dollars worth?" Hmmmm. What we have not come to terms with, is that driving outside of our area of comfort, and to anywhere outside the Yokohama area, is akin to, yes, beating one's head against a brick wall.



Bob took a week off last week and we decided to do a couple of day trips. Our first trip was to the Izu peninsula to see an outdoor public onsen (hot springs), the largest waterfall in the area (Joren), and to hike down a river to see seven waterfalls. The directions predicted five hours to get there - we thought WHAT?? No way. We're driving 150 km on toll roads but only roughly 50km on regular roads. How does that equal 5 hours. Well, the good news - it did not take 5 hours. It took 3.5. The toll road drive went fine, but what we forget is the mind numbing 50 km are on roads with lights spaced ten feet apart and have all forms of traffic day and night. It took us an hour to travel 30 km. Initially we found it funny that the signs were counting down by KILOMETER to our said street destination (16km away). Thirty minutes later we realized it was for to keep those crazy drivers motivated to get there (only 11.5 km to go, we're this committed, we need to go ALL THE WAY!!). These drives make us crazy, make our kids crazy (especially as we had thought we could survive without a car DVD player), and yet, we continue to push the limits, and now with a whole new level for bad driving, keep trying to make ourselves believe that the location truly does justify the drive.

Six things to Remember about Driving in Japan.

1. You really can drive 30 km for one hour.
2. You will get lost (or believe yourself to be lost) at least once per outing.
(do I turn here...did that sign mean here? This right or the next right? Let's turn around...OOOH good, the signage is much better coming from this direction.)
3. You will pay out your behind for parking or tolls (especially when you really are lost and need to turn around and retrace your steps while on a toll road - which is a best case scenerio to get lost on.)
4. You will pass a train station within steps of your destination.
5. It is only worthwhile for truly Japanese moment and memory making.
6. No matter how long it takes you to get somewhere or how miserable the drive is, you will get back in your car the next day and do it all over again.

Self Actualization: Progress (although sometimes we feel like we are running in Jello)

I am taking a break from my mundane life details here in Japan to reflect a bit on my full time job. Momming.

After 4 years of psychology classes, labs, and countless article readings, it really isn't surprising (and frankly kind of relieving) that I have adopted a psychological approach to my life that is both keeping me happy and making me insane.

According to Maslow (and PLEASE don't quote me, I would like to double check the name as I am putting this out there, but as those volumes are safely in storage I don't have that luxury) life is a journey to "self actualization", or the following of all of your true potentials to their limits. Life is an ongoing learning and exploring experience. A great philosophy huh? Except of course, when you have some potentials you would love to develop and can't because a. you have an infant that is exclusively breastfed; you are pretty much cutting your nose off your face with your hatred of pumping but can't seem to get past it and b. you don't have a husband with an even moderately reliable schedule to assist you on your quest so c. you need to find a reliable babysitter...which takes a lot of effort, time and means that these things you want to do need to fall outside of the school time. Oh, and d. your middle child hates the CDC and now that he's attending preschool any extra time he spends there grates on your "I'm the stay at home Mom and should be taking care of my child" sensibilities.

Basically, dear readers, this means I have painfully had to put my dreams of starting my masters (and that's another annoyance...I just don't know how I feel about online degrees), taking guitar lessons, and learning Japanese on a back burner. The burner reserved for the storage of the kettle that may never get turned on because it's somewhat small and ineffective.

Thus - I got to thinking about what skills I was developing to take pride in. Skills I could sink onto my resume and feel absolutely certain that they counted as something valuable and worthwhile. Here they are:

Communication
Any Mom that has been out in the trenches of Mom's Clubs or kid's activities or military spouses groups knows that it is a variable minefield of foot in mouth situations and contrasting opinions. Keeping yourself out of a debate or a total face redening blunder is serious work. Breastfeeding, spanking, discipline, how well you are currently watching your child, how badly you are bashing your husband, and who has it worst discussions are just the tip of the iceberg. Personally, I think Moms skilled at this (and moreso, the ability to keep one's face absolutely straight when hearing horrifying opinions you totally do not agree with but cannot for the good of everyone involved say anything - ie. one's husband's CO's wife who hands you a book (which she stockpiles to have one available for everyone who thinks her children are very well behaved) on punishment by switching (and directions to picking out an effective switch) are more than qualified for a position in PR!

Problem Solving
Honestly, the amount of things that can be done one handed - if you just find a way! In addition, the amount of brain exercise women must get over men by doing things left handed when feeding your baby on the right side (using the mouse, transferring coffee between two mugs, buttoning kid's shirts, making scrambled eggs, brushing your teeth, putting gel/styling hair - maybe not looking A1, but the job gets done).
In addition, stain fighting, food substitutions, grocery shopping methodologies to avoid food substitutions, and the creation of coffee filters just to name a few - all show that the good old noggin is working and hammering - just not for the situations it is used to.

Maintaining a Sense of Humour
You know, I don't think this skill pops up on resume's that often, but you know, I think if it did the workplace would be a happier, healthier place. Instead of nutso crazy bosses that go off over one teeny weeny detail, a person that has laughed in the face of ridiculous and uncontrollable adversity and frustration would be an asset to any business. One of my latest examples, is the Murphy's floor washing law. Not twenty four hours after I had proudly completed the task of washing the floors, my daughter knocks a bottle of red wine onto the floor while climbing up on the counter to get something. In her panic, she jumps down, lands in the wine, slips, and cuts herself. The noise of the wine bottle breaking wakes up the baby. Drawn to anarchy and the neccessity to make situations impossible, the toddler stands uncertainly at the edge of the glass filled winey mess thinking about whether to take a closer look. Wine drenched daughter is in hysterics because she thinks the wine is blood and she is going to die. Where to begin? After cleaning up the glass while said screaming baby screamed and toddler was placated by sugary snacks and cleaning the floor with one hand and a squirt bottle while sitting cross legged and bumming my way around the floor (and giving myself several cuts in the behind) the Greeson family emerges to play outside winey but bandaged and happy. Not a half hour later Max pees ALL OVER the front hallway (he must have spun around b/c he not only hit the floor but all the walls too) while he was attempting to remove his gotchies and shorts over his shoes. Bottom line, at least the baby was fed this time and safely resting in a neighbour's arms.

Managing People
Initially I thought this might be an asset, but really, I think once you have figured out how to effectively deal with both your kids, your friend's kids, and your spouse, you might be less patient with grownups. If only the world operated on the playgrounds rules of keeping one's hands to one's self, asking before taking, apologizing and admitting wrongs, and treating others as you wish to be treated it would be a much nicer, peaceful place. What happens to us as we grow up?

Ability to Prioritize and Complete Tasks
In my head, I have all the household tasks and my personal tasks categorized under the headings of "when kids asleep", "when kids are having TV time", "when kids are playing", and happily these days "when kids are at school." They are then ranked in order of importance due to how much the task needs to be done/I want to do it. This list isn't written down anywhere, it exists solely in my head, yet I get so frustrated with Bob when he starts wasting valuable sleep time on "when kids are playing" tasks. How can he not see my reasoning? When I was not a parent I had no such list. I basically bopped from task to task until one became crazy urgent and I had to knuckle down and get it done. Bottom line, I messed around (or farted around as Bob likes to put it) a lot (and I wonder where Indy gets it).
As for completing tasks - once you start operating with children you realize just how much a person can get done in said amount of time. For instance, on Tuesday I had a fifteen minute playdate, drove two little boys to school, dropped them off, shopped at the commisary for a snack, finished my shopping at the Exchange, took Cassie to her check up, ran 5 miles, took and shower/got dressed, returned to the commissary for full frontal grocery shop, had a meeting with the director of Max's school to get further clarification as to what my role of a Volunteer Co-Ordinator really is, and then pick up the boys and return them home.

The Garden

Last summer I was totally impressed by a friend's container vegetable garden she and her significant other created over an ashphalt slab. I thought, HAVE AT IT! Chances are, I won't have the fabulous wood enclosures, the amount of garden or the incredible amount of success, but at least I will have added a smidge of oxygen to the environment and possibly get a couple veggies out of it.

Two things I did not count on in my gardening adventure.
A. Living in Japan.
B. Everything being in Japanese (why this is a surprise after A. I don't know. I was pregnant.).
C. All my problems only being found in Japan, thus only written about in Japanese.

That's right. Books about gardening in Japan in Japanese book stores are in Japanese. Books about gardening in Japan do not exist on Amazon.

Hallelujah though, I find a section on a web posting for something completely unrelated to Japanese gardening where an individual was asking for help with her garden IN JAPAN!! She wanted to know about grass, but still, I found out what zone I am in. Although I do not believe Seattle experiences 46 degree heat (although I noticed they did this year), two months with no rain, and heat that extends well into the fall, this was my starting point. At least I knew something.

Buoyed on by finding out our zone and making my very first purchase (seeds) at a local (but I would not call it nearby especially as I was 8 months pregnant and decided to walk there) department, Indy and I began our planting project. I decided to reuse the gazillion yogurt containers we had acquired (always a good idea as a novice, doing things your way vs. the recommended way). I had to hit the internet AGAIN after I examined our seed packets (see included picture of the back of the seed packet). That's right. Asside from how far apart to plant my plants, I had no idea what to do except to find a Japanese friend.

Indy and I had a great time watching our plants (Max mimicked his sister and also examined the containers every morning) and we successfully started cucumbers, beans, carrots, tomatoes, morning glories, small sunflowers and some odd carrot looking thing that does not produce carrots or any other vegetable. We love cucumbers and the kids eat carrots and beans, and there were very few other choices so tomatoes it was. You will never guess what our thriving, envy of the neighbourhood crop is. That's right, tomatoes. Which we do not eat.

I advise anyone planting veggies in Japan to plant tomatoes. They defy EVERYTHING I read about them. Tomatoes do not respond well to transplanting. Due to lack of foresight, I transplanted my tomatoes three times AND transplanted three plants into one large pot believing at least two would die off. Nope. There were no tomato plant deaths. Now I have upwards of 10 tomato plants, each at least 5 feet tall living within inches of his nearest neighbour (total faux pas) producing a gazillion tomatoes.

My latest plan is to keep pureeing them and then make a humongous batch of spaghetti sauce with my neighbour (although are pureed tomatoes supposed to turn pink? Was I supposed to remove the seeds? Again - I seriously know NOTHING about tomatoes!). This batch will last us forever as my kids have decided they no longer like tomato sauce.

After a trip to a Japanese Home Depotish store I decided to invest in a couple pepper and watermelon plants. Maybe it's the dirt or perhaps my inadequate watering skills but I produced only mini veggies. Watermelons the size of baseballs, and peppers the size of tennis balls. I was lucky I got anything out of these plants as they also seemed to attract these orange and black beetles that came out of nowhere and devoured their leaves. Not the tomatoes, the morning glories or the cucumbers. Do you think I can find this bug ANYWHERE? No. My neighbour who is also vegetable gardening was going to kill one, put it in a bag, and then take it to the Home Depotish store but God only knows what chemical craziness they could hand over (and only God and the entire Japanese nation would know as all the instructions/content would be in Kaneji.). I tried a few methods suggested by friends and only hastened the demise of my bean plants.

I did produce a fabulous lettuce crop though. This I attribute to the fantastic drip hose invention - watering done with the turn of the faucet.

In the end, I got some much needed dirt produced sanity, my kids learned where plants come from and how they grow, and Max learned the difference between a tomato and an apple.

All in all a very satisfactory experience.

Rose Coloured Glasses Required.

Life really is all about making the most out of what you got. For instance, I have an entirely white, tile (no kidding, floor to ceiling), windowless half a bath that one could look upon as being a clean slate - ready for decorating vs. an instituional room that keeps my kids from dilly dallying while on the toilet. So, I go to buy a really nice cottage style cabinet that is built around the toilet. I take one night of my oh so precious free time to assemble it (I LOVE ASSEMBLING!!). It weighs a ton, but I manage to drag it into the bathroom to complete the assemblage and OH look - it DOESN'T FIT!! Our toilets are monsters. One person may say "@#$%&*! Why the @#$% is the @#$%&*%$ Exchange selling things that don't even fit in our @#$%^&* houses?!" and wage war on the home living department, attempt to disassemble and get one's money back. OR one could look at it as an oppourtunity to get a head start on redecorating one's bathroom in a house being rented in Virginia you will live in MAYBE eighteen months from now, and leave it in pieces in the upstairs hallway until a place to store it presents itself.
That is what life as a military spouse in Japan is really all about. Taking something that doesn't quite fit and finding where it will fit in your life.