I am taking a break from my mundane life details here in Japan to reflect a bit on my full time job. Momming.
After 4 years of psychology classes, labs, and countless article readings, it really isn't surprising (and frankly kind of relieving) that I have adopted a psychological approach to my life that is both keeping me happy and making me insane.
According to Maslow (and PLEASE don't quote me, I would like to double check the name as I am putting this out there, but as those volumes are safely in storage I don't have that luxury) life is a journey to "self actualization", or the following of all of your true potentials to their limits. Life is an ongoing learning and exploring experience. A great philosophy huh? Except of course, when you have some potentials you would love to develop and can't because a. you have an infant that is exclusively breastfed; you are pretty much cutting your nose off your face with your hatred of pumping but can't seem to get past it and b. you don't have a husband with an even moderately reliable schedule to assist you on your quest so c. you need to find a reliable babysitter...which takes a lot of effort, time and means that these things you want to do need to fall outside of the school time. Oh, and d. your middle child hates the CDC and now that he's attending preschool any extra time he spends there grates on your "I'm the stay at home Mom and should be taking care of my child" sensibilities.
Basically, dear readers, this means I have painfully had to put my dreams of starting my masters (and that's another annoyance...I just don't know how I feel about online degrees), taking guitar lessons, and learning Japanese on a back burner. The burner reserved for the storage of the kettle that may never get turned on because it's somewhat small and ineffective.
Thus - I got to thinking about what skills I was developing to take pride in. Skills I could sink onto my resume and feel absolutely certain that they counted as something valuable and worthwhile. Here they are:
Communication
Any Mom that has been out in the trenches of Mom's Clubs or kid's activities or military spouses groups knows that it is a variable minefield of foot in mouth situations and contrasting opinions. Keeping yourself out of a debate or a total face redening blunder is serious work. Breastfeeding, spanking, discipline, how well you are currently watching your child, how badly you are bashing your husband, and who has it worst discussions are just the tip of the iceberg. Personally, I think Moms skilled at this (and moreso, the ability to keep one's face absolutely straight when hearing horrifying opinions you totally do not agree with but cannot for the good of everyone involved say anything - ie. one's husband's CO's wife who hands you a book (which she stockpiles to have one available for everyone who thinks her children are very well behaved) on punishment by switching (and directions to picking out an effective switch) are more than qualified for a position in PR!
Problem Solving
Honestly, the amount of things that can be done one handed - if you just find a way! In addition, the amount of brain exercise women must get over men by doing things left handed when feeding your baby on the right side (using the mouse, transferring coffee between two mugs, buttoning kid's shirts, making scrambled eggs, brushing your teeth, putting gel/styling hair - maybe not looking A1, but the job gets done).
In addition, stain fighting, food substitutions, grocery shopping methodologies to avoid food substitutions, and the creation of coffee filters just to name a few - all show that the good old noggin is working and hammering - just not for the situations it is used to.
Maintaining a Sense of Humour
You know, I don't think this skill pops up on resume's that often, but you know, I think if it did the workplace would be a happier, healthier place. Instead of nutso crazy bosses that go off over one teeny weeny detail, a person that has laughed in the face of ridiculous and uncontrollable adversity and frustration would be an asset to any business. One of my latest examples, is the Murphy's floor washing law. Not twenty four hours after I had proudly completed the task of washing the floors, my daughter knocks a bottle of red wine onto the floor while climbing up on the counter to get something. In her panic, she jumps down, lands in the wine, slips, and cuts herself. The noise of the wine bottle breaking wakes up the baby. Drawn to anarchy and the neccessity to make situations impossible, the toddler stands uncertainly at the edge of the glass filled winey mess thinking about whether to take a closer look. Wine drenched daughter is in hysterics because she thinks the wine is blood and she is going to die. Where to begin? After cleaning up the glass while said screaming baby screamed and toddler was placated by sugary snacks and cleaning the floor with one hand and a squirt bottle while sitting cross legged and bumming my way around the floor (and giving myself several cuts in the behind) the Greeson family emerges to play outside winey but bandaged and happy. Not a half hour later Max pees ALL OVER the front hallway (he must have spun around b/c he not only hit the floor but all the walls too) while he was attempting to remove his gotchies and shorts over his shoes. Bottom line, at least the baby was fed this time and safely resting in a neighbour's arms.
Managing People
Initially I thought this might be an asset, but really, I think once you have figured out how to effectively deal with both your kids, your friend's kids, and your spouse, you might be less patient with grownups. If only the world operated on the playgrounds rules of keeping one's hands to one's self, asking before taking, apologizing and admitting wrongs, and treating others as you wish to be treated it would be a much nicer, peaceful place. What happens to us as we grow up?
Ability to Prioritize and Complete Tasks
In my head, I have all the household tasks and my personal tasks categorized under the headings of "when kids asleep", "when kids are having TV time", "when kids are playing", and happily these days "when kids are at school." They are then ranked in order of importance due to how much the task needs to be done/I want to do it. This list isn't written down anywhere, it exists solely in my head, yet I get so frustrated with Bob when he starts wasting valuable sleep time on "when kids are playing" tasks. How can he not see my reasoning? When I was not a parent I had no such list. I basically bopped from task to task until one became crazy urgent and I had to knuckle down and get it done. Bottom line, I messed around (or farted around as Bob likes to put it) a lot (and I wonder where Indy gets it).
As for completing tasks - once you start operating with children you realize just how much a person can get done in said amount of time. For instance, on Tuesday I had a fifteen minute playdate, drove two little boys to school, dropped them off, shopped at the commisary for a snack, finished my shopping at the Exchange, took Cassie to her check up, ran 5 miles, took and shower/got dressed, returned to the commissary for full frontal grocery shop, had a meeting with the director of Max's school to get further clarification as to what my role of a Volunteer Co-Ordinator really is, and then pick up the boys and return them home.
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